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The Khawateen Committee of the Council of European Jamaats in collaboration with the Women’s Desk of the World Federation held a one day Seminar on ‘Effective Parenting with an Islamic Perspective’ on Saturday 17th December 2005 at the Zainabiya Centre in Birmingham.
The Seminar was conducted by Dr Abdul Bari, an educationalist with a PhD and PGCE from King’s College London and author of the book ‘The Greatest Gift – A Guide to Parenting from an Islamic Perspective’. Dr Bari has broad experience in Youth and Community work and is a member of the Inner Cities Religious Council and Pan-London Advisory Group on Faith as well as being a facilitator of Race Equality Unit’s ‘Strengthening Families, Strengthening Communities Parent Programme’. Dr Bari started his Seminar by comparing ‘Community Parenting’ in the past to ‘Parenting Today’, stressing that parenting is a proactive deliberation of doing things with children. There is a great need to understand not only the developmental but also the psychological and sociological aspects of a child’s life. Skills to raise children in Islam, he emphasised, will involve consideration to time changes as ‘yesterday is different from today’. In the morning session the participants were taken through the 5 Course Components in Dr Bari’s Parenting Programme: - Growth and Development
- Parent/Child Relationship
- Discipline and Control
- Family and Community Perspective
- Faith/Culture and Spirituality
He mentioned that fear of Allah and respect for parents were an important background for a life-long relationship and that Guidance comes from Allah and the parent’s role is that of a catalyst in this journey. Dr Bari talked about the social ills and neighbourhood pressures facing the young generation today and warned the parents of the 3 most dangerously tempting factors: - Media (especially TV and the Internet)
- Peer Pressure
- Role Models.
He strongly advised parents to discuss these with their children on a day to day basis and to know who their children’s closest friends are. ‘Television should not become a childminder’ he said, and advised parents of the need to control what their children watch.
In the second session, Dr Bari discussed behaviour and its causes and took the participants through the different stages of the life of a child, giving age related views of life and examples of what to teach them at each stage. He stressed the importance of understanding ‘innocent childhood’ and their need to play, giving examples of stories from Prophet Muhammad’s life with his grandchildren Imam Hassan (AS) and Imam Hussein (AS). The different Parenting Styles were discussed in the next session, highlighting examples with emphasis on the importance of consistency and the common dos and don’ts. The most valuable factors for building a good relationship with the child were discussed thereafter. One conclusion drawn from these discussions was that individual time spent with a child is an investment for the future. Dr Bari talked to the parents of the importance of One-2-One and Family Time and gave them a step-to-step guide in using these effectively in their everyday lives. The day ended with discussions on Discipline and the Discipline Process. Participants were able to draw from their experiences and share their views on this important aspect of parenting. Dr Bari talked about the importance of giving clear instructions and reminded that smacking was the very last resort of the discipline process and that if parents have to resolve to this stage then they have failed as parents! The whole Parenting Skills Programme covers 24 topics and the day was just a glimpse of the course. Feedback from the day has been very encouraging with all the participants wanting to come back for more sessions to cover all topics.
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