 Marriage, as every married couple will tell you, requires much dedication, understanding and above all a life-long commitment to each other. The growing trend towards separations and quick divorces within the community make for shocking and worrying statistical reading. As a community we are morally obligated to take practical steps in challenging the problems many of our youngsters are facing. This sense of obligation and responsibility led to the collaboration of two departments within Council of European Jamaats and The World Federation; namely the Welfare Department and Women’s Desk respectively. Both groups have been jointly discussing the structure for a Pre-Marriage Guidance Seminar for some time now. The advent of the Women’s Desk Marriage Educators training weekend led to a number of community members from most Jamaats receiving valuable training from Marriage Care UK. After many months of discussion and planning, The World Federation and The Council of European Jamaats were pleased to arrange the 1st Pre-Marriage Guidance seminar, held in Birmingham on the 26th of June 2005.  Participants listen attentively to one of the lectures
The seminar was conducted by members of our own community which meant that they had the benefit of a full insight into the workings of our society. Those conducting the seminar were experienced within their subject area having received training from Marriage Care UK.
 Interactive discussions taking place
According to UK national statistics the divorce rate in 2003 was up by 3.7% compared with the previous year. It is worth noticing that this was the 3rd successive annual increase, with 69% of these divorces resulting from first time marriages. Although these figures are not reflective of the Khoja community, we must be aware that marriage break ups are gradually escalating within our community. Whilst considering the causes for such an increase we may come across issues such as - unrealistic expectations, a lack of commitment based on spiritual faith or simply not being fully prepared for the challenges ahead. The seminar was specifically designed with the latter in mind. Taking into account that in reality every situation is different and that no couple can be fully prepared for what lies ahead, the seminar aimed to provide the participants with basic skills and appropriate tools to help them in the future.
 Seniors advising the participants on how to live a successful married life
Alhamdulillah, the response was very encouraging with twenty engaged couples attending. The day was structured around specially designed workshops that looked closely at the fundamentals required to build key skills that would be beneficial to the engaged couples in their marriage. These included interactive workshops on: Communication skills (90% of marital failures site poor communication as a major reason for the breakdown)
Empathy in a relationship (a powerful tool in understanding and experiencing each others feelings)
Commitment (the dedication to work at and review the marriage regularly)
Conflict Management (ability to contain a situation that could rapidly blow out of all proportion)
Spirituality and Intimacy in marriage (evidence shows that couples committed to a strong spiritual faith have a greater chance of staying together).
Though the workshops dealt with serious topics, the format was relaxed and highly interactive, encouraging participation. A specially designed information pack containing all the relevant information was given to each participant to take away with them. In-between the workshops fun, ice-breaking sessions ensured that no couple remained shy for too long. In addition, two elderly couples, married for over 50 years, brought a wealth of experience and advice to share with the couples. Lunch and dinner were ideal opportunities to discuss the day’s proceedings. Overall the organisers were very pleased with the comments in the evaluation forms. Couples felt the seminar was a fantastic opportunity to meet other engaged couples who shared their hopes and anxieties. Most felt they had gained a brilliant insight into their relationships, which can often get taken for granted. They felt the concept of the seminar was excellent and hoped that this was to be the first of many such seminars. This positive feedback was highly encouraging and both CoEJ and WF have committed themselves to organising more Pre-Marriage seminars to be held in different Jamaats in the years to come. If you have any thoughts or comments that you would like to share, or require any further information please contact the addresses below. The Council of European Jamaats Women’s Desk
26 Estreham Road
London
SW16 5PQ Tel: 0845 330 6012
Fax:0845 330 6014
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The World Federation of KSIMC
Islamic Centre
Wood Lane
Stanmore
Middlesex HA7 4LQ
Tel: + 44 (0)20 8954 9881
Fax: + 44 (0)20 8954 9034
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